| My friends are awsome :) |
|
Now that I've got everything done except for one final, I feel a little bit better. I'll be able to stay calm through graduation as long as I keep contact with my mother to a minimum and put my diet on hold for a moment. I've not gone too far off track, but it's nice to reward myself a little. Still no cigarettes or anything, and if I can make it through finals and a car accident, I can make it through anything.I am:  relieved |
|
Today was my last day of classes. Ever. Sweet.
But honestly my minds been on other things. It's felt like something's been wrong with me all day, like I've been fucked up or maybe even poisoned or something. I've been dizzy and acting funny and kinda bitchy. I don't know, it's so weird. I've not taken/smoked/drank anything, as far as I know, so I have no idea why I'm feeling this way.
And I've been thinking a lot about Dereck. When we first got together, it's like we were both completely different people. He had all these big dreams and hobbies and a life. He never takes pictures or "flows" or anything anymore. It's like all the stuff he used to like to do, he doesn't do anymore. It's like he's lost his soul. He doesn't care about anything. It makes me feel hopeless. There's nothing I can do to make him notice me.
And I used to be fun and happy and motivated. I was eating well and working out and losing weight. I was going out and having fun. I used to have ideas. Now I feel like a tired, wasted blob. I've lost my sense of fun. I'm not enjoying life. It's fucked up.
Honestly, it's not just me. It seems like everybody's changed since the summertime. I mean drastically changed. There's been so much life happen this semester, and I really never noticed.
And if I start to think back farther, JFC y'all. But now that it's almost over, I do at least tend to remember the good things. It's still been a really rough journey.
Fuck it all, I'm gonna go eat some cookie dough.I am:  nostalgic |
|
|
|
| Top of Page |
Powered by LiveJournal.com |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
asthenophobia's Friends Page